And Wonder If You Ever Think Of Me?

Saturday, March 29, 2008 ; 8:48 PM

touching people's heart...

i didn't know i have such power to do so...

until..i was told i made an impact in their lives...

its a wonderful feeling...

its a satisfaction....

its a grat achievement...

and i hope this compassion will continue to strive in my future days as a nurse

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

; 2:36 PM

conflict between the mind..

friends between us..

secrets lies within...

stories unreveal..

conflict within us..

a matter of time..

cross my path...

i'll try to upkeep..

sincerity?im sincere...

but things don't go my way..

not for now..

pray pray..may 1 more week of attachment goes smoothly...pleeease...

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Monday, March 24, 2008 ; 7:35 PM

IMH posting today= my suay plus unprepared day!!!

so to say...i was supposed to meet nura at 6.30am to go IMH today...

since both of us didnt really know how to go there...(i always have transport if i went there)

i was late for 15-20mins!!..sorry nura for having to wait...

the night before was sick..had sudden bouts of migraine...

and still continued to talk to mimi on phone till both of us coincidentally had stomachache at midnight!...

(she just needed to bitch...and i was kind nuff to accompany her..haha!)

i didnt take medication for fear of getting drowsy the next day...

so anyway..woke up at 5.30am but my head simply hurt big time...

so continue sleeping till 6am..

and lil sis actually rush to the toilet first!!

i aint sure why when her school is just a stone's throw away AND she can report at 7.40am!!!

i cant find my WHITE lingerie lar!!!tts why was partly late...

PLUS i hadnt iron my uniform the night before...!

took bus with nura...

and we talk and talk from boys to cars!!

it was hilarious..haha!

we thought we were kinda late but reached just nice before 8am...

going there was okay...

we acually saw one of the outpatient..

and i aint sure why nura keep laughing at her..tt made me somewhat giggle..

anw skip all those boring lectures..and orientation part..

I got to go to the forensic dept where the pts are like jailbirds...and they kept whistling at us...haha!

lee fung was pretty scared and dared not look at em...

some even sang jiwang songS!

anw going to my ward WAS and still IS scary...

i am transferred from 33A to 36A~~

at first i was elated thinking it might be a female ward!!

but sad to say it is STILL A MALE WARd!!!

ugh~~

pretty scary i shall say...

but got bodyguards...fellow male friends will be my bodyguard..

though i hope to feel comfortable very soon!!

im scared...but i'll try to overcome it...

actually i got loads to blog lar...

but im having a bad tummyache...

since attachment...

so im gonna go home and rest!!!!

ugh~

latest hot gossip:mimi farhana has a HAPPENING!!!

me and poh's job this wednesday is to witness the HAPPENING!!!

it all started at sakura!!haha

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Sunday, March 23, 2008 ; 5:06 PM

the one and only thing that will kill me is boredom!

when boredom hits me,this vicious cycle will go round and round like a merry go round..

boredom-> cranky-> shut myself up-> ignore people->binge->sleep....

i never had to feel so bored back in secondary school

yes i miss my secondary school life especially during my first 2 years

those pranks we got up our sleeves serves as great memories..

birthday bash meant by throwing ppl into the dirty school pond

spraying ppl withthe water hose from the water hydrant..

writing prank love mails..haha i did that for _____ who happens to be the class geek..

etc etc..it was hardcore fun!

and its even more thrilling cuz i was a councillor back then...haha..

i remember how i dread going to skul in poly..

i hated the tutorial group tt totalley means we don't really get to socialise..

and when i stepped in to be with my newfound classmates besides rab..it was err okay...

lets just say it wasnt as what i wanted it to be..

but now its better...

In 3 weeks time imma goin to year 3...

i've no idea what my future holds..

but i know decisions have to be made along the way..

choosing hospitals to work in?the wards or specialise area to be in?

continue studies?take a different course?

FYP is coming soon..

hectic schedules as expected..

and at this period of time...

im not sure if this IS the path that i really wanna continue..

i know i have passion for nursing...

i love giving injections and doing dressings or even make a cup of milo for the patient..

there is satisfaction..but is this satisfaction going to bring me somewhere??

is this what i really want to pursue??

i wish i didnt have to grow up...

because for now i want to have FUN!

i want to go out there and enjoy...

and i know events are coming up that will steer me away from boredom!

im waiting for it...wee!!

tmr's attachment at IMH...

let me see the light to fun and restraint boredom!!

my entry seems to be runnig away from my original idea!!lol!!

Flight of ideas!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Saturday, March 22, 2008 ; 7:03 PM

YAY!!!!

freshie's orientation is coming up!!!

lalala!!

its time to socialise!!!

gonna be facilitator for nr0822!!(buy 4D..confirm strike one!haha)

with two juniors which i dun even noe...

jane and june...funny to have jane and june..i mean by their names...

haha...

yay!!!

IM SO LOOKING FORWARD FOR FRESHIES!!!

*evil laughter*

i'll make them do stupid stuffs like what my previous freshies had to do!!

lol!!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

; 6:07 PM

blogger's note to self:freaky shit...i've defeated myself just by pouring my hearts content publicly again!!phfft!

a dream...

a sweet dream...

the power of a dream...

evokes back the feeling i once had for you...

its a brand new feeling of you...

its weird..

but its special...

expecting no reciprocal...

no need for the mutuality...

let it be

im a dreamer i admit...

i wanted to dismiss this dream as hey-its-just-a-dream...

but using my psychology knowledge...

dreams are what u have in ur subconscious mind...

so that means...

in my subconscious mind i AM thinking abt you..

thou consciously i aint thinking abt you..

when i woke up from this dream was

like the day tt i text u in the dawn when i had a nightmare abt you b4 u left..

where i felt like hugging you cuz im afraid to lose you..

but this dream..it was sweet...

and i woke up in the dawn too...

i felt like hugging you too and with words i'd whisper "where you've been all this while"...

and then i realise how much i missed you..

and with that i decided to text you...

texting u seem to be a heavy thing for me to do..

cuz i no longer noe when's the right time to txt u..

whether i still have the right to txt u such things..

but i went ahead with it..cuz my heart told me to do so...

i didnt noe how to put my words..

and with that i had alot of drafts..

before sending u the final short one...

followed by my heart screaming""ARRGH..i just want to tell you that i miss you FULLSTOP!""

uh uh uh uh!!*smacks head with pillow!!*

its crazy..

and i miss u..really...

and im not askin for anything..

if only u noe it..

emotionally handicapped..

im a strong girl but love made me helpless!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Friday, March 21, 2008 ; 9:35 PM

2 more days of holidays...

been dancing away..

had a game of badminton with lee fung and zhu yu

and looks like im good at badminton...HAHAHA!

tmr's out with my fatt ila and siqin!!!imma so happy!!!

okay wateva..

im soooo not looking fwd to IMH posting...

im being plain lazy!!and yea i still got a MALE WARD..im freaked out laaar!!HOW??

phfft...i think its gonna be crazy there...im soo gonna tease themm hehe!!

im anticipating loads of free time there since the patients go to bed freaking early!!

AND IM GONNA MAKE THE EFFORT TO GO BACK TO SKUL TO DANCE AFTA ATTACHMENT!!

AND THATS A DEAL!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Monday, March 17, 2008 ; 5:10 PM

the sun is out finally..

but suddenly im drained out!!

i think i had two weeks of intensive hols

that my remaining 1 week..im beginning to shag out..Woops!!

im pretty tired...

phfft!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Friday, March 14, 2008 ; 5:48 PM

im truly living up to my zodiac sign

just like a snake,my skin is peeling off..
and im glad it is peeling cuz im pretty annoyed with my two different skin colours!
hahs..it started to peel after dance ystd..
it appeared like blisters filled with my perspirant i guess..
so i randomly touch my back and felt this blisters feel alike...
and i popped it..i looked at it at the mirror and i was very excited to see it peeling off...
so imma actually trying to peel the whole thing off...
i know it sounds kinda disgusting..but having two different skin colour is more disgusting!

today went to town for awhile cuz mum had things to settle..
and i thought we could have a shop at town..
IT WAS DAMN PACKED WITH PPL LAR!!HOW I DON'T LIKE CROWDS!
BUT anw my thoughts of walking around town was diminshed when my lil sis started feeling dizzy..
it was weird cuz my lil sis is stronger in health compared to me..
she started feeling dizzy when me and mum was buying ice-cream at the roadside stalls..
and then it struck me tt she was hypo..(mum didnt even think abt tt she was hypo)
haha it was obvious cuz her face look so lemau!haha..just like how i would look like when i turn hypo..
i offered her my ice-cream and she got better after awhile..

thinking abt being hypo(short for hypoglycaemia) its been long since i became hypo..
i rmb tt the times when i first became hypo was at wd 72 while watching bone marrow aspiration being done..
cuz there was alot of students and the fan was off..standing too long,i felt hypo and wanted to faint..
i was then offered a cuppa milo and biscuit by my lecturer,may chia!!haha
nowadays im responsible for being hypo lar..
i always carry sweets during my attachment..
and if i don't,poh will always have sweet..haha!!
oh ya nt forgetting may may for making me a cuppa milo too at wd 63c when i turned hypo..haha!!

k back to my town experience!
i saw the F1 cars today at town!!!
the porsche were awesome!!theres ferrari too if im not wrong!!
argh!!lovely cars!!
i wish i had a porsche,ferrari OR LAMBORGHINI!!if i had porsche or ferrari,it have to be a red one..
but if a lamborghini it will be a lime green one and i hafta emigrate!!(NOT...i love spore!)

but anyways,we ended going to serangoon for a meal at the old komalavilas ..
been long since i was there..
and now the service there is BAD!!usually they will serve us..
now we have to make the orders before even sitting!!how horrible!
like cant we even get our butts down first and thing what we wanna eat before ordering!!
and they have a rule there..NO SHARING OF RICE MEALS!!haha like wadtha??
u pay but u cant share??i think they are infringing on personal life!

cant stand it..!

suddenly i know of things i didnt used to know..
it was weird..
i thought things were as great as it first seem.
not when i saw what went beneath those perfect pictures
do true happiness,perfect family,bestest friends really exists?
a passion we all lived for..
a path we chose...
a destiny to meet..
it all ends up to be torn and tattered..
its not worth to end things the way it is now!
im gonna change it and turn it around
i hope the ties do bond and not strain..
i miss you all like how you all used to be before..
we'll get back tgt again shall we??

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

results!

Thursday, March 13, 2008 ; 12:47 PM

YIPEE!!!
RESULTS IS OUT!!!i got my results send via sms and got it at 4am!!!
AS EXPECTED I PASS!!!
MY GPA HAS INCREASE!!!tho not to my expectation but still is a great increase
IM DAMN HAPPY!!
MY GRADES IS BEYOND BELIEVE!
LALALALALA!!HOLS HERE I AM TO CONTINUE YOU!!!
*sings to smurfy song* lalalalalalalala!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 ; 2:09 PM

my butt totalley hurts big time(not to mention my thighs too!)..like totalley!hahaks!

and it still haven heal dammit!

so rite now imma having problems seating,squating and standing up again..

im walking at a snail speed...

and squeezing my ass to soothe the pain!

argh!!irritating...!

anyways...i have like 1 week plus more holidays..im enjoying to the max tho..

however...!

it come to a halt at this point in time...

im starting to wobble wobble over results!

and its out on the 13th...

whats the date today again??oh whatever!stupid results...

i hope i do above average so i can enjoy my other half of hols without thinking that i have a supp paper to do!

seriously im confident to pass all my papers just that this time...a PASS wudnt go for me..

im expecting more i hope!

sheesh..holy shit...i wish results are out like today!

okay those random stuffs!

STEP UP 2 WILL BE OUT SOON!!(on th 13th TOO!)

but i prolly watch it next week cuz tis week packed with activities again...haha!

and i hate the fact that my skin now has 2 DIFFERENT DISTINCT COLOURS ON MY BACK!!

bronze or red alike and yellow...eew!!!!

im freaking pissed with it...ugh!

and it looks like im wearing a yellow(skin colur) tank top if im naked!!

its rainy season!and i feel like doin sth simple like playing in the rain AGAIN!

and eating roti prata at the coffeeshop...

investing in a raincoat to play in the puddle...

ahh..feeling2!!haha

okay happy hols AGaiN PPL!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Monday, March 10, 2008 ; 4:14 PM

A SNEAK ON MY HOLS!

nice hols ive been thru after so long...

just yesterday went out with the dancers to jitterbugs studio..

AMIN DIDNT GO!!!PHFFT!!

had 5-6hours of dancing to hiphop,dual power,street jazz,girls styling and learn a new dance-belly dancing..

hahs belly dancing wasnt as easy as i thought!pfft!and it got my butt cramped till now!

and im squeezing my butt every now and then!

i love the choreography by awi and sam for dual power!!(awi's hot and damn tall!sha thought so too..!)

dancing to hate that i love you..!nice partner work dance..

and the hiphop choreo by jay..(i told sha his name was jack!) was awesome too..love it!

well had a wonderful day ystd..though today im suffering with cramps over my shoulders and thighs and butt..

must been the wild wild wet plus dancing..

after that had a mini picnic with sha at marina square open space..been long since i talk alot to her..

after dance went to national library..coincidentally sha also had books to return..

ystd was damn tiring!!after i reached home,i bunked in till today morning..and my walking is cacat now!thx to the cramps..

i met him(mr hot bod!)..hahs!picture cant be revealed..and i damn kuku can..i edited the pic and didnt save it as another picture..so i dun have the original picture!!!damn!!but i got another pic with him!!lalala...
details of tt day cant be revealed too....

the wild wild wet!!the peeps went to wild wet after their escape!!
lol!we had ALOT OF FUN!!
i invented a game..to play catching while seating on the float..u cant get out of the float but use ur hands or legs to get to another person!
and because of tt my arms feel damn shiok...so weak and lemau..haha

my junior gals that was there too!!hehe

this was only 3 days of my holidays..

and again this entry is written so that i could upload the pics for sarah!!haha!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Saturday, March 08, 2008 ; 10:18 PM

7 hours of ~~swimming~~ playing with water at wild wild wet got me burnt..
i aint gonna say much yet..
but loves the company of bestie,rizal,ahmad,rizal,sarah and diy and her sis!!
WE SHOULD AND BADLY HAVE TO GO OUT AGAIN!!haha!!
i miss you all..

okay i cant update much on my hols yet..cuz theres too much to say...
and im typing this entry to tell sarah that pics wunt be uploaded any soon..hehe..
i will tag u when i've uploaded...!!LOVES KUCINGMU!!haha!

1week of hols will soon come to an end..i have 2 MORE WEEKS!!!hehe!

1/03-OUT

2/03-OUT(a day to remember..haha!*winkz*)

3/03-OUT

4/03-OUT

5/03-HOME(stupid rain..phfft!)

6/03-OUT

7/03-OUT

8/03-OUT(another day stored in my memory)

9/03-CONFIRM OUT AGAIN...

at this rate..im sure to be grounded soon..

and i still owe ppl dates..to name a few

Ms HO S.Y - a date plus treat from her to catch up..haha!

YAP-a secret and surprise outing for him with the girls..psst!(it would be great if HE could join us..)

rab and the boyfy-an eating out plus LOADS OF CATCHING UP!!!

SARAH and the juniors!-A MUST MUST MUST HAVE CATCH UP OKAY!!!

oh holla!!i'll be back soon!!

When there's so much thing to say..i dont know how to start..and i will end up just keeping quiet..

I'm a lazy girl and when i talk,i slur...

So im just keeping quiet...

and when im quiet don't ask me why..

cuz theres too many things that happen and i dun know how to start talking on it..

naahs..dun force me to talk or else..i'll act dumb in front of you..

peace!

that lifeguard was cute.....hee

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

holidays

Wednesday, March 05, 2008 ; 1:14 PM

Qn:how boring can a boring day be??
ANS:very boring!

Ugh~and thats how i feel today...

for once i was happy to wake up and see the sun..

and the next thing i was irritated cuz after i bathe,it started to rain..

Poof!there goes my plan today!

i guess Ms Rain misses Mr Sun and both of them wants to go out together!

Okay..that means no jogging today..

perhaps later..

and i badly need to buy a earpiece..

i cant jog without a companion..

my companion=upbeat music

my companion used to be my lil sis..

bt lil sis schooling and having her training today!

phfft!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Sunday, March 02, 2008 ; 9:32 PM

~~sex~~ abortion is taboo.

taboo is ~~sex~~ abortion.

Call me traditional but i will never accept abortion.

Talk to me openly abt bisexuals,PDAs,gays or lesbians and i wouldnt mind...

okay i think i am confused whether i cant accept pre-marital sex or abortion

Gynae posting really tested me to be non-judgemental..
yaya nurses have to be NON-judgemental as part of professionalism..
but hey what can i say when GIRLS as young as 15yrs came to the ward for abortion..
like hello i am older than you and YOU got more experience than me??
drop my water face for being a girl..(kay guys cant get pregnant so yada yada)

Now...i wonder why people do and people throw..
okay put my professionalism in use here...
why people have sexual intercourse just to abort the baby..?
I cant stand it!an innocent life gone just like that *snaps*

okay so being sooo bloody curious...
i actually interviewed or as what i said earlier had therapeutic convos with them..
and y'know those who came in at age of less than 16yrs are to be in the sexual assault category..
so i was wondering how this girls had managed to glide their way through statements and statements...
it happens tt she and her ~~boyfriend~~ jerk team up to bluff the policemen..
okay credits for tt..

the boyfriend did visit her during her hospitalisation...ONCE!
only to sweet talk her..and the fact tt she have gotten himself another girlfriend kills me...
i f***ing wanna kill the stupid jerk..
for heaven's sake...her virginity lost to the first guy ever!
no doubt the boyfriend kinda good-looking...
bt wtf when he's a jerk!
ugh~

Okay so i beacame friends with her..
(but didnt remain in contact afta hospitalisation as we didnt exchange contacts)
and then heard her views on abortion..
and i began to think twice..no..many many times
her ~~boyfriend~~ jerk wanted her to abort for the sake of the future..
which i guess is true if you think abt it
Her father wants her to abort it cuz of her future studies...
her mum wants her to make her own decision..
what her father said was kinda true...
since she made a sin...complete the sin and start a new life..
but then again we are talking abt a life here!!hello??

what pisses me off is when this supposedly mummy do not want to view their foetus..
i mean like for the last time...
and hey i was evil..
i coo-ed like how the baby cries at night to scare this supposedly mothers....
but in the end i got freaked out myself!haha!

oh ya...and did i say how some supposedly mothers had their experience of aborting??
she actually wanted to go to the toilet..
and these patients dun wear undies..just maternity pads..
some dun even wear..
and suddenly the foetus just drop off from y'know where...
so freaky lar...and she can just scoop the foetus in a plastic bag and gave it to my friend
like it was just some kinda tissue tt u drop and want to throw in the dustbin..
freak!!if she gave it to me...i dunno how i will react...

oh wells so after this attachment im kinda open when u talk to me abt sex...

ya da ya da..

bt please have safe sex..use condoms,spermicides or wat have you..

FOR UR FUTURE AND FOR NOT KILLING INNOCENT LIVES...

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd