SO to end all this in all..
I just wanna thank all of you..
who have been part of my life...
who crosses my path...
got to know me...
taught me new stuffs..
life skills that books never show me..
memories that became part of my life..
experiences(good or bad) tt will help me overcome my future obstacles..


And i especially wanna thank my baby boy,elger
and my brother glenn...
im really thankful they came across my path of life and enlightened me
on the meaning of life..




I wish you all a HAPPY 2008!!
Happy partaying...!
hope im still the same all brand new me...
(now thats a song..lol!)

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

come..
lets wrap up 2007..
has been such a great 07...



yesterday was on the phone with molly...
reminiscing bout the past..
talked abt countdown day...
no mood to celebrate...tho ive got a date...hehe..
it seems like just yesterday(sounds cliche...)
tt i celebrated countdown...
eating roti prata with rab when the clock struck 12mn...
hehe..
a pity tt our schedules now aint the same..
havent been seeing her for quite sometime...




2007..so fast...
i cant really rmb what was up for me
for this year...
ehs but i noe i had alot of surprises...
haha and i specially love my bdae surprise given by rab and her boyfy...
she came especially to my house...
to give me a lighted up cake...
and a prezzie...
but i wasnt around...hahaha!!
loves..




but anw had a simple bdae as requested by me...
no presents or anything...but i thank those tt gave me one...
and still rmb tt i had dinner for my bdae at banquet eating ban mian
with mum and lil sis...
and i soo got my beloved boyfy..which is my current handphone..
tho its like 6 months belated....




anw lets wrap things up by highlighting events...
and low-lighting events..hurhur

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

i've used this song for my blog before...
used to listen to its beats..
but recently when i started hearing it again...
i started hearing the lyrics...
and i thot it was kinda sweet..hee...
following are some excerpts from the lyrics..
the meaningful one tt is...hee





Fussing and fighting we back at it again
I know that its my fault you don`t understand (no)
I got memories this is crazy
You ain`t nothin like the girl I used to know
Good with mom good with pop cool with all my n****z
I should try, truth is I, wanna let you in but(no)
Damn these memories, and it's crazy you ain`t nothing like the girl I used to know

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting,
and I really hope you still want me the way I want you,
I said I really wanna work this out
Damn girl I'm tryin its no excuse no excuse

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
But I Got this Icebox where my heart used to be(No)
I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold(No)
I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

Why can`t I get it right? Just can`t let it go.
I open up she let me down
I won't feel that no more (no)
I got memories this is crazy
Shay ain`t nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby
but I can't help it cause my heart is in the same old condition that baby left it and I
I apologize for making you cry look me in my eyes and promise you wont do me the same


bla bla bla....

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

a holiday gone wrong...
not gonna blog abt it...
just tt..i fell sick but still had my cup of peace and serenity away from home...
but anyways..
let me lift up my own spirit..
if u allow me to..


haks...
so im back from holidays...
i missed molly so much lar...
cuz before i left spore...i contacted her..
confided in her...
BT with her...for hours..
sure miss those times back where we BT almost every other day
oh yea..
came back and contacted her STAT DOSE..
haha stories to tell ma...duh!

so after a day back from holiday
im LOST lar...
i didnt even noe bio results was out on the 18th...
and i only found out thru molly's blog like today..
that is like 1wk and 2days SLOW!!..
so i asked her as soon as i saw her online...
and apparently she thought i knew abt it...
cuz they were talking abt the results during our first sub-grp meeting..
so obviously i wasnt mentally there..
*slaps myself for being a kuku*


haha..but anw heard tt i got a B+..
im so bloody happy cuz i got a B+ when i only studied it the day before..
but naahs...im never gonna take sucha risk again...
i wanna thx martini for the uselful help...
the heavy book was worth bringing back and fro..(well i borrowed martini from the library)

next week will be attachie..
im soo looking forward to it..
hoping tt my grades will raise a bar up..
heard tt it is a depressing ward...oncology
and the last time i felt depressed for my patients was during my paeds attachie
i hope it will not be that depressing..
but a feeling of depressing makes me feel human...
and so i will face it...
hmm...
gonna read up before going to tt ward...
since my previous comments and feedback was tt i have to read more..
and i have to start learning to foster good working skills with the staffs there..

Basically have one semester left before PRCP...
i cant visualise myself being a GOOD staff nurse after i graduate..
doing things on AUTO MODE...
knowing things at the back of my fingertips..
relating well to clients and colleagues..
juggling between my career,friends and importantly supporting my family
im excited for the challenge up ahead..
a path that i CHOSE..
and i noe there's still some of my dreams ive yet to achieve like taking an interior design course..
continuing my passion for art..
but right now...let me face the challenge..
mayn i feel old..cuz im starting my career real soon..

and im gonna realise my dreams to travel and take the aeroplane with the babes after PRCP before working..

my future is bright...
my future is my concern...
my freedom will be next..
and so my happiness within my family will soon come along...
i hope..
and i hope for a complete reunion of my family...
a home where i can look forward to going back..

this is my long update!!hehe



closing a chapter of my life
before u came,i was alone...
when u came i had you...
now ur gone,im alone...
the feeling s***ed
but i have no difficulties going on my own way
from where i started..
im not waiting for you..
(i will never wait for any guy..)
i was just waiting for an ans..
but now i got the ans..
im happy...
i never wanted or expected to be ur girl
and tts y i neva tell u wat i felt for u..
i had all along let nature take its course..
"if it happens,it happens"...
but i wanna thank you for ur memories..
for being a chapter of my life..
those sweet memories are still worth to be kept..
and by letting nature take its own course..
i wont force myself to forget you..
i'll let u fade away as time pass by..
for i know cant contact u tho u declare me as ur friend..
a friend by name..
thx for everything..
and like i said "if it happens,it happens"
dont force to hate or to love..

i wunt throw ur stuff cuz its not mine..
and im dumb to receive sth tt dun belong to me..
(a mistake i made twice in my life..)

*heave a sigh of relief*
contented!
chapter closed!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

WARNING:BLOGGER AINT REALLY THINKING WHAT SHE WRITES..


meeting held..meeting over..
all on our own now..
individual work tt make the team stronger..
i hope the group gets our stuffs done and wow the class again..
(my expectation damn high ehs..competitive spirit will benefit the whole FOuRtEENS eyy?)


so im wondering when's the next outing be??
Class gathering..?

oh my tiny minute details...
not my point exactly...



my hormones are raging...i supposed...
my temper will kill me...
my temper has always been the minus factor...
but im trying my best for my temper not to get over me...

mood swings...
interpersonal problems rite now eyy...
Im very sure i aint noe wat im supposed to do...
what i wanna do??
what could be done...

i know something is wrong...
somewhere...
but where...?
I aint too sure....
i wish HE could tell me...

but what i got was...
(fill in ur own noun,verb or whatever)
i don't know what went wrong...
what happened...

i don't like ignore therapy...
i don't like him not turning up..
but hell who cares abt my likes or dislikes...
what i care now is.....
simply....him.....
his state,his thoughts...
but will i ever get noe what he feels??
i tried what i could...
but at a point my temper got over me...
i came to a point now...
im just waiting....
(random:F*** the gal behind me keep pushing her chair against me..)

i'll wait...
i wont say anything..
cuz i cant...and ...
i'll wait till the day........
i could meet him...and have a heart to heart chat..will tt ever be possible?
i'll be patient...i wunt let my temper get over me again...



my sincere thoughts:
i miss him....and his company...



to my group members...sorry for always being late for meetings
its cuz of my sleepless nites...
mi,get well soon arh you!!
i'll miss you all...
wont be blogging till i come back from KL...
to all my friends..happy holidays...

-slight social withdrawal

Labels: emotionally bleeding...burning heart..internally hot

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

i had this very urge...
this very urge...
to blog and spill all about the f***shit that i have been tolerating..
but F*** i don't want the whole world to know what The F*** ive been facing at home...
all my life...
urgh!!!


ohs...
angry day...
everyday i wake up to find ways to be happy...
but only to know it would be destroyed soon after..
in fact..
i very much enjoy being in a trance...
total silence..total calmness...total emptiness...
nothing to care about..




i duno what had happened to u...
y the sudden no show...
ur not obliged to tell me what happened...
but ur making me worried..not that i had a right to be worried for u..
thoughts,questions,scenarios played in my mind...
i really really duno what happened to u..
but i couldnt sleep ystd after the girls said u.....*touchwood*


i have no right to question u..
but im longing to meet you...
to have a heart to heart chat with u...
to pass u things...
to settle things..
IMY

Labels: angry, happy, missing you

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

HOLIDAYS has,have and had started....

literally...

holidays seems so short yet long...

started long time ago...

and now having it...

okay crap...

everyday is holiday...

just tt this two weeks holidays....

is without seeing the face of the lecturers..

haha....





okay....so this week kinda cramp but i survived...

research meth ica,bio ica,dance prac,rehearsals,alumni nite all in a week..





my last minute study for research meth got me a (fill in the grade u think i got) for it...(i passed)

and thank god i didnt spend my precious time studying for it...

i studied it like 12 midnite for only 1 and a half hour..

when my paper was due the next day...





bio pract test...

90-43=47

i hope tt the probability of me scoring a few more marks out of

the 47 qns which i weren't confident of scoring is high...

so at least my hopes of getting a B grade again for bio will be achieved...

since this is the last semester tt we are taking bio...

43qns save my arse at least...





dance prac has been great...





alumni nite....

alumni nite....

alumni nite....*heave a sigh*

touched....and sad..

shall not elaborate...

pictures shall be my memories..


how i hate goodbyes..

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

why do almost everybody is emo-ing at the moment...
sianz...
why is the weather down?
sianz...

anyone seeking for simple leisure..
simple fun...
simple girl...
simple simple simple...


mum has talked plans abt going KL...
i hope she really execute it lor...
n prolly can meet molly at KL...
haha..
lol!!
IM SOOOOO AWAITING HOLIDAYS!!!!WOWEE!!
soon soon...
tiara beach,port dickson(is it?),times square...
and pakcik pakcik...
im coming...wee...*cross my finger*
hope mum dun go back on her words tho...

sadly PPGs will be splitted for attachie...
me and poh to wd 48..(onco ward)
molly and may to 63c...
BUT IM HAPPY CUZ IM NOT GOING BACK TO 63C!!!!hahahahhaha!!



arhh!!!
im so happy tt ive yet to mugg!!DAMMIT!!!
having research methods ica tmr,bio prac test on thurs...
dance on thurs...alumni night on friday..
outing with the girls and guys prolly on sunday
and im on HOLIDAY MODE TODAY ONWARDS...
shud i mug??or just flunk my this weeks exams...?
hmm...do i have a choice??



life is full of problems...
but its just how you perceive it..
everyone has problems...
just because they don't say it doesnt mean they don't have it...
ppl say they understand but everybody was born a blank slate...
with emotions,personality,character and experiences injected...
see things easy and simple..
if only my mind was clear like now,before...

Labels: 10 days to go

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

im back!im back ystd..which was monday
took train from kampung at 2am...
reached on monday 7am...(uh uh i bathed back at kampung at nite..hehe)
went home get my stuffs and out to skul..



i love kampung life!!
i'm missing my kampung ppl there!!
im awaiting to go KL next week..
and i really hope mum mean every words she said...
goin to KL,staying with pak long and the two uncles there..hehe..
and meeting my two lil cuzzins...
i miss my uncles there...my....
i LOVE KAMPUNG!!!
NO COMPLAINS...
HAHA SHALL UPLOAD PICS SOON!!(REALLY..)





SIMPLE LIFE SIMPLE PLEASURES..
SIMPLICITY..
what i really needed..away from home..seeking peace..and serenity
IM AT EASE AND PEACE..
LOVES!

Labels: nature lover

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

im leaving soon..
wee..in less than 5 hours time..
yay!!

i went to school..
for an hour lecture..
but irritating lecturer cant log in the slides..
so yada yada..
basically chat with may may!
SHE CORRUPTED AND EXPLOITED MY INNOCENT MIND!!!!
ALL BECAUSE OF SOTONG!!!
EWW!~!!DISGUSTING!!!
thx arh may!!
now ive to think twice before eating SOTONG!!

i feel like watching a movie alone..
i feel like going blading..
i feel like doing things tt ppl thot is weird
like flying a kite...
i feel like enjoying simple pleasures..
oh wells...


SHuCks!!
okay dis feeling is coming back again..
many
JW said that i looked lost these days..
do i??
what i noe is i feel withdrawn..
and i don't think i wanna meet anyone at this moment..


feelings and emotions are being suppressed..
for quite a long while
i feel that i need to let it out...
i'm kinda angry with myself for feeling this way

and i wonder..
if one day i wanna getout just for a moment of silence..
just for moment of silence...
to seep out my inner thoughts..let it out spiritually..
would i have a companion?
and if anyone said yes...
would u feel odd if i just want to keep quiet..
and let time pass as it is..
not that ive ever been quiet with any of my friends..
just a thought to ponder..





alrite..
im going off already...keep msging my phone ppl!!hehe
loads of loves...
just wanna say i love all of you..haha in case i dont make it alive back to spore..lolz!


HAPPY ADVANCED BDAE ZEEE!!!
THANX AMIN FOR BORROWING ME UR LABBY FOR THIS ENTRY!!

Labels: a friend said i looked carefree

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

i got a new BLOGSKIN!!
yay!!
nice nice??its GReeeeeN and i Lurve it!!!



im leaving in55hours time!!
mann!!im gonna miss Singapore...!!
i'm gonna miss my BIG PRINCESS BED which i had to my self for almost a month
i'm gonna miss the clean toilet..
i'm gonna miss seeing HDB flats and buildings...
i'm gonna miss my pillow..
i'm gonna miss my mirror...
i'm gonna miss receiving sms-es on the phone..
(so pls flood my phone with msges so tt i can be happy to be back and know tt im being missed..hehe)
i'm gonna miss my friends..
counting down to break free...

2 days and abit more to camwhoring and
a brand new(not that new) cultural shock...
an insight to my own culture..

Labels: distraction therapy to make me happy

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

WARNING:CONTAINS CENSORED VULGARITIES.AN ENTRY JUST TO BE EXPRESSED.



im just F***in pissed with
my life...
my brain cells..
my thoughts
my internal conflict...
my F***in problems
my MISERABLE F***ING ME!!!!!
URGH!!!




another discovery made..
F***ing discovery i wish i didnt made..
it was a f***ing coincidence to be there and to hear it..



F*** i need to be alone...
get my F***ing spirit out!!!


any suggestions where i can channel my anger to??

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

waah!!its 1st dec already!!!
alot alot and ALOT of things had and hav happened...

my decision to quit dance couldn't be carried out...
because
[fill in what u think had happened]
..
and so..
i feel indebted to the club...
and so i will stay to contribute to the club...
haiz...
BUT the good thing is tt my passion can still continue..
AND so i like....




yesterday skipped skul...
went for performance..(and got incentives for tt)
did hiphop,salsa hiphop and girls styling...

somehow my performance for hiphop was total crap...seriously...

salsa was okay la...partnered with josh...
and dots...he had mental block!!
hahaha..but anw,i instructed him lar....
at least he got it(ths steps) back after i hinted him..
and the baby lift,dips and what stunts we had was executed quite alrite..

girls styling was pretty okay...
shall not comment on the costume...

snap snap is a norm whenever there's performance..
so i dont see a need to brag abt it... loves!!


after tt had a gathering with the dancers...
been long since i hang out with them...
zee,josh,alli,sha and some juniors...
it was fun and full of shit and under 18 stuffs...
like totalley *josh's new style*
BFF forever..LOL!!
damn..josh really got the short circuited...(not literally tt is)
special note to guys...pls pls pls don't watch Bratz even when u've got no other movie to watch...
pls....



anw
i passed my skills test..
but i did stupid things....
i forgot to bring my NGT when my skills was NGT insertion + intermittent suctioning...
it was a breeze..and i had already anticipated to pass...(chey...confident)
and when i forgot to get the tube...
i asked the lecturer if i cud restart everything!!!
HOHOHOHO!!
(kuku-ness in me...)
but anw i pass....
and so tt's all tt mattered..



internally,im corrupted,
emotionally im electrocuted,
physically i look like a donut now...
externally im happy...
im contradicting my words....
and im tired biopsychosocially..
sorry to those tt got pissed with me...
im really sorry....




time for me to take a break...

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Name.
school.
bdae
blah blah blah