juz noe dis..
reality is harsh..
but frens are juz der fer u..
i lurve u guys..
sorry but yar i broke down again


promise u guys to be stronger after today..
well at least ive promised kia dat..
and kia..i tink u pass the test to see girls crying..hehe
ur quite an expert at dat..
thx fer the holding me on and huggin me wen i broke down..
thx fer goin to and from skul wit me..
thx fer lettin me wet ur shirt wit my tears..hehe
juz like how im temporarily replacing ur fren..
ur also helpin me temporarily replacing him..
yes i will one day moved on..and let the day dat i start to forget him be today..
let today be the last dae dat i cry fer him..

my beloved clique..(nas,sheil,kia n not forgettin mira)
u guys juz gimme the warmth dat i need..
the laughters and
the lurve dat i longed fer..
and u guys juz make me feel comfy in..
like the land of opportunity..
let us keep this frenship and till death do we part..
hehe..no!!masuk syurga or nerake kene together-gether..
hehe..and nas darlin..u owe me a story..hehe

fer now..my eyes juz hurt big tym..and yea..im heading home...lol!!no worries ppl..
im strong!!hugz and kisses fer everyone..

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

lol..
lurve is funny afterall..(quoted from rizal)
it juz makes me laugh..

hmm..fer dat guy dat i was waitin fer..if ur stil readin dis..
i juz haf dis to tell u..
i cant wait fer u nimore..i noe its hard
yes i noe u nid tym..but its over 3mths...
frenship dat u once denied wen i suggested it..n soon after agreed to take on..
it juz aint goin anywhere..wat i noe the YOU dat i once knew was no longer der..
even the way u msg me..(dat is if i msg u first)
everyday i live with the thot of us coming back together..
i noe its stupid idea..
but yar..i gues dis is it..let the memories we had together juz be memories and lets not relive it..
go on have a new rship..
for ryt now i really dun wanna wait fer u..its juz exhausting..
n its not dat i haf another guy in my heart..
my heart juz aint open yet..
but someday it will..
i cant keep on using my own initiative to contact u..
frenship is not one sided so therefore..
if u dun see the need to contact y shud i??lets move apart..further apart...take care my fren..
n yea..i still rmb wat i said
"if one day i were to meet u along the streets if we broke up,i will tell my frens dat ya dis guy is my ex whom we shared great memories..and ups and downs.."
thx fer guiding me thruout..see ya!
a lil phrase or too before i end it

jika benar cinta itu buta
butakah mataku,
berkali terluka masih jua kumenunggu
apa yg kuinginkan hanya kejujuran dalam perhubungan


i juz simply lurve ma darlins(nas,sheil,kia and mira) now..u guys simply juz made me feel more loved
and make skul worth coming for..
the pinches we had, the whole load of laughter, n not forgettin the tears we shed..
n yar..the aww.. so romantic moments..even though its juz fer a few months we met..
n yar i will continue thinkin of extraordinary outings with u guys to make memories a more worthy ting to keep..


kia,its juz so stupid to have u send me to the stop and
me sending u to the bustop and
ended up taking a bus dat doesnt reach our houses(but its sincere..lol!!)..
but yar..was juz worried fer u..u noe wat ive said to u ryt..
so let it be with u and not in this entry..
its not tym wasted like i said..its juz tym worth spending fer
n like u sae..im nt good with my words..
at least im good with gestures(woops!!sounds wrong)
but yar..dun worry dude..
and excuse me i send u to the doorstep lar...lol!!
juz hope it made ur dae :p
lurve ya!!


bestie nazmi,
dun feel bad fer not bein able to meet me yar..
i will get ma way to meet u..
dun hafta sacrifice ur tym again..
i noe ur tired with ur work..
its okie dude..
the thot of u wanting to sacrifice tym fer me is enuff..
im still ur bestie after all..i need to undastand ur situation too..
n the thot of u bein my bestie means alot to me..
u dun hafta be physically ther fer me..
but juz be ther wen i need u most..cuz i noe i'll be ther too if u need me..
thats wat frens are for..
lurve ya too!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

yayness!!
it was such a freakin good tym ystd..
before dat i wanna congrat my lil sis fer gettin 3a's n 1b fer her exams!!
dats like wow!!dammit smartypants!!


ystd was such an awesome day..
spend the day at vivocity with my lovable frens..
invited haikel since he was abit down...
it was juz such a romantic day!
went for lunch at banquet first..had some food..
afta dat went to dis candy empire shop!!
the shop was so huge with lotsa chocs and sweets n..yea..NOUGAT!!yummy yum!!


and den we went to SKYPARk!!
wowness..played with the water..
its simply awesome..n we had to fold our pants up to the thighs..
poor lil kia dunno how to fold his pants..so ended me and sheil folding his pants fer him..
n haha..we came up with the idea to play pepsi cola 1.2.3...
n pity me..cuz im owaes the one losing first..hmph..
our pants ended up wet..n so went to the balcony area..


there..we saw the beautiful view..
its really nice cuz the sun was about to set..went down to the bay with haikel first
cuz dat kia wanted wear his shoes on..
and we sat at the bay all 5 of us..
with our feets dangling down...
at first 3 of us..me,kia and haikel was at one side and nas and shiel was separated from us
by a pole..
and haikel's feet was so irritatin arh..
he put purposely put at our legs..
so huge pulak tu..
so kia grab his thigh while i tickle his feet..
den dat irritatin haikel separated me and kia...
(oh ya,cant believe kia actually ate the chocs juz fer me(after much forcing)
..aww..tho its only half..)


in the end all 5 of us squeezed in one area with our feet dangling
and lay there..(ppl were actually watchin us)
it was juz such a cool tym..
n yea..
we cam-whored..
so cool eyy..
all in lovey dovey mood..
n den the rain set in..so we had to go back in vivocity..
wat a spoiler!!but it made a nicer ambience..


kia and haikel actually bullied me!!
they took away my hairband..
so bad..
nas n sheil bullied me too thay hold my hands n walk wen thers a tree in front of me..
haha but it was fun!
kia was so rough lar..he actually pulled my hand very rough..
oh ya..n did i told u the guy at vivocity the human directory was cute..
he so cute..n i actually told kia and haikel to get away from me wen were walkin near ther
yar kia n haikel was around me..so irritatin..haha kiddin


den at the spot moment we wanted to go sentosa..
dat was more aww..romantic..
but dammit i had gastric pain suddenly..
n so had to practice controlled laughing..hehe
n yea..kia sheil n nas was so bad..dey matchmake me wit haikel..
urgh..
see both kiz n haikel are the same..keep matchmakin me with one another..


as we reached sentosa..we went fer musical fountain..
it was such an aww romantic moment..
it was really nice..
we were juz soakin in the romantic atmosphere...
it was juz so so beautiful..


next stop was pahlawan beach..wher we had another whole load of fun..
went to cross the bridge..
and went up the tower..and spent tym there
it was such an awesome tym n yea sweet..
baskin in the moment of lurve..
singing away..n apparently haikel n kia can shake their booties.
dats a plus point..haha..n we were like happily dancing away..


next stop was imbiah walk..
it was such a frightening walk lar..
so freakin dark already..
n yar poor ting..
kia's and haikel's hand was squashed by me..cuz i was juz too scared of the dark..
sheil n nas n haikel were bz distractin n talkin..
duno how they can do dat also..
and suddenly the lights went off..
n obviosly we went back..
so freaky..


it was juz so fun!!real fun and romantic and sweet...
lurve dem so much..
been a long tym since i realaly enjoyed myself...
aww..words cant describe wat i feel..
but i noe fer sure dat dis memories dat we had bonded us fer sure...
really lurve u guys...muackz!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

feeling rather emo today..
god noes y im over the emo today..
todays topic was mostly related to love..
whole dae since bio prac started..
the weather makes it more fer love..
haiz..
juz internally bruised..
shant sae much
peace out!!
thx ppl fer the comfort
but yea was paiseh..
hehe
toodles ppl

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

yay!!its end of the day..
though my feelings are still in me..
i noe i cant and i dun wanna take it out..
i noe im juz feelin empty..
i noe its juz my freakin feelings..
i noe its tym to realise..
i juz noe...
n i hate to have dis feeling..
sumthin's juz gonna happen sooner or later..
i juz cant wait anymore..
urgh..y cant things be as simple as it seems..
having the weekends to get over my stupid feelings..
and come back to skul and smile again..




enjoy the weekends ppl..
those wondering wat im toking here..
dun bother noe-ing..
niwaes ppl will be having open house on 25th nov alritey..
and rizal so sorry..
i told nazmi first..
hehe takmu majok k..cya there..
details of ma open house will be revealed asap..tc dudes..
btw my open house juz wear casual..
thz again..
njoy weekends

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

i feel kinda pissed with myself..
mann,wat happen to my prioritising..
there's a strain of relationship right now..
nah..it cant be happening..
i juz hafta prioritise my tym well..
have been always with frens and having skul activities..
where's the tym fer my family??
rabiah,WTF happen to me..


ystd,a fren msged me...
fren told me problems..
but at dat point of tym..
no..it wasnt an urge to respond to her problems..
but was an urge to reflect myself..
wat have i been doin dis sem??
exams are juz next week..n wad da hell.
no..
ive not been touching my books..
neither the pens or the highlighter..
nothin at all..
n so i didnt respond to her msg..
i din noe how to..
sorry fren..


time juz seems like a problem to me..
i cant really prioritise my time..
mann..and thers lotsa activities coming up..


Clubbing??was offered to go MOS(ministry of sound)
fer free fer tertiary n jc students..ya even 17years can go
..but i duno whether to go anot..
half of my heart wans to go and see wats there
half of my heart told me to stay at home..
shud i be deviant??
urgh..
oh wells we juz see how tym makes me to settle stuffs..
other than dat i wud find tym to spend with god..
hope god will show me the way...
amin..

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

lalala..long tym haven been bloggin..yea..
so yea..using sheil's comp to update a teeny weeny bit of wat happen ystd..hehe

ystd had a freakin good tym with my clique..
unexpectedly we are together..
me,nas,sheil,amirah and kia..haha

went to esplanade..a place where souls bare their feelings..(does it make sense??)
haha..yea..tryin my best to keep my emotions in maself..
i dun like it to show my feelings..like my inner side..
unless i cant help it..
plus it was at nyt..the tym wen i can juz break down anytym..
wateva it is even my frenz will neva noe me
except two guys..hmm..no one noes the inside me and wateva happen to me..
yar..can sae dat im being strong..
but the strongest is actually the weakest..


okie stop talkin abt me...lets tok abt sheil
haha dis gerl she's kinda cool and motherly..
someone who talks logically..
someone who is able to counsel...
someone who u juz feel comfy with
and sumtyms if ur lucky u'll get to hear her jokes..hehe

next is nas..yar..she..i dun have to sae
she's the sweetest girl i eva met..patience even though wat she had gone thru..
my my i cant be like her..at least im neva patient..hehe
and yar..she's my eva innocent partner..hehe
haha..


amirah,she's nice and sophisticated..yar dats the word..hehe
though wasnt close to her last tym..but yar..she's nicer now..
and she's strong too..

kia..haha he's okie..
i cant believe dat both of us actually tot dat the other is stuckup and
eventually became frens..
dats like so funny lar..
he's actually quite nice..
and both he and haikel lurve to tease me \..cuz dey got nothin beta to do..
and kia i dun merajuk k..
only dat ystd i was juz being empty..haha..yar..
oh ya he's oso romantic guy..haha awww..

its kinda cool dat we are together..
hope our fwenship will last foreva and dat
if there's any problems btwn us we wud sort out together peacefully..hehe
learning from my pAst eyy..

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

lalala..its so super fun..the camp was awesome mann...
okie lar..at least ma group were active in followin my cheers..haha especially the before eating cheer..haha


hungry hungry..
very very...hehe


and i lurve ma group name kahibuhigaga.
cheer myself:go gaga go gaga..
hehe..yeaps..
though we werent winning the tingy but we had fun..lotsa fun..
and the best part was at nyt..
some dancers stayed up to dance..
till lyk 3am??without feeling tired..dats awesome..
neva done dat before..
zee taught us lyrical jazz..it was cool..
wats more cool was dat lil fir actualy choreo a lil bit of hip hop..
dats totally cool..



anyway at the end of the last dae..
we had to go home and yar..to change in new set of clothes
to watch NRA concert..at ngee ann poly..with the dancers..
apparently went with wei lin..
sumthin was wrong with both of us lar..we actually mismatched our attire..lol!!
haha but i managed to take it out so dat it wunt look weird...
haha ..we were juz too tired to think..


The NRA concert was superb!!!really not kidding..with the c0oolsome songs..mann im impressed..i lurve it so much..and the guys there were so cute and hot and plus point??
they dance awesomely..hehe lurve mann!!argh..i can go on and on abt it..anyways..
NRA concert juz make me a lil scared cuz NYP musical is coming..urgh..


dancing:
mann,im kinda pissed with myself fer not being available to perform fer upcoming performance..
its a big one..at least to me..cuz we are doin closing and opening performance!!
haiz oh wells nvm...

k lar toodles.

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

JUz waNNa wiSh mY DArLIn bEstIe
RAbia'tul Ada'wiyah a happy birthdae!!
out of respect and courtesy im not gonna state ur age hehe..
haha ur older already..so dun be too childish..hehe..
kiddin...keep da groove and funkiness in ya..
juz wishin u'll get a guy soon..yar..lol!!dun have ta find..the guy is there already..hehe
im so sorry dat i cant be at ur partay
i noe im soo gonna miss a hell load of fun..
i noe u undastand gerl..dats y ur my bestie ryt?lol!
anyway,gerl hope u have freakin good tym der aites..
seeing ya later fer dance..hehe..and make sure u come fer second dae of camp..
gonna miss u mann..k lar...
have fun!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

matters of the heart
ive emptied my thots..
i said wat i had to say..
i duno wat im thinkin.
wateva it is..
im gonna respect ur decision..dats it..
-wateva-

y do i wanna make myself fall again after having difficulty picking myself up??
shudnt i treasure dis moment and enjoy the tym i have..
u juz have to stop falling fer me..thx..i dun wan my freedom to be captured again..
-shoo off my life if all u wan from me is just aBGR n not a frenship yea-
-sick of it all-

funny thots needs brainwashing..
im in lurve wit his butt mann and his too!!..nah im not pervertic but juz look how 2 guys can
make me lurve their butts..like they can really shake it(isolate) well..
im so jealous man..urgh..mann im so gonna work on the isolations..
especially my butt...hahaha

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

today is such a freakin good day..
apparently i knew it dat my other half gonna meet him..
haha kk..i duno y...but im juz so freakin excited fer my other half who might be in lurve but denying..
like..im juz sooo sooo happy..
imagine her toking to me abt lurve??
like wow!!kk..so hyper..


anyway went out wit the two guys n her..
its so freakin fun!!both guys have same comical character..
kk...so both of em were lyk swit couples lar..so swit mann..
haha..had a lot of fun..
and yea..u noe wad??
one of em actually like showed us dis game where we had to spot willy wanka..if dats the character name..
i din noe its soo gonna be a hell load of fun...
OMG i can go on and on abt it..


anyway,i saw ma sakuraian guys!!
zaid and amsyar!!!damn freakin shock and happy lar..
was like screamin in a big shopping ctr...
urgh..zaid still as cute as eva!!!
and am..gosh his muscles juz make me weak in the knees...
urgh!!haha..meetin em soon mann...yay!!!


alritey will end it here..
still haven get ma sneakers and flip flops fer the camp..
damn!!urgh!!

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

haha im here..blogging for the sake of juz bloggin..kk..
dats lame..
and urgh!!nicholas link me wit da wrong name..dats so bad lar...
talking abt name..i juz realise wat the wonders of my name cud do the ppl around me..haha
apparently it all started after the clinical lecturer called amirah as zahidah..haha
so jahan was sitting beside me as i was lyk shitt!!he's gonna call by the second name??
and ta-daa i told jahan "mann,he's gonna call by second name..so means wat??he gonna call me Tul??"
and jahan started laughin away...
so she told firdaus abt it..and mann he laugh even louder..


so after clinical he shared it wit da clique..and obviously all of em laughed like hell..til nur and jahan shed tears of laughter..hehe..
so from there we ended up callin the clique by the different names..
so if u were wondering who is jahan or nur or wateva dat i wrote above
im giving ya the changes
here are the changes:

khair-firdaus
nasreen-jahan
shaheila-nur
amirah-zahidah
rabiah(me)-adauwiyah(cuz firdaus tot dat was nicer..lol!!)


haha so wat can my name do??
make ppl laugh and cry..how wonderful can dat be..hehe

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

boohoo..weekends juz ended..looking forward fer the upcoming weekend..
mann sumtyms i juz wonder if im here to study or have fun??
haha..ouh wells who cares as long as ma results do not suffer and dat im having fun...

and yesh!!im here to tok abt the weekend while doin research on drugs...
haha...the weekend was cool and awesome..
went to mamat sakura house on sat wit fatt..
he was so eva looking smart and cute..
his uncles and aunties were super friendly lar..
and their jokes is like on the spot kinda tingy wher u will juz find its too funny not to laugh..


sundae was a freakin good tym!!
stagearters rayer outing..
fun??yea!!
i was wowed by alot of houses...
we went from condos to bungalows and yea not to forget the flats..
the houses were all nice lar..
i lurve iskandar's and aisyah's house..it was awesome lar..very nice...
and shankar's house decor was superb..
his room was marvellous lar...
i tink i lurve aisyah's hose the most..
wen we were there everybody was like imagining if they held a partay there..
like imagining where they gonna chill,where the dance floor will be...my my..wish had a house like hers..
and her sister is so HOT lar..all of us were like frozen wen we saw her sis in HOT pink and den as she entered the car
all of us were like..uh-uh she drives!!!!dats so cool lar!!!kk..i can go on and on abt how nice her house looks like!!
anyway one ting common in the houses of most stagearters dat i went was dat most of them had plenty of BIG mirrors!!
(toking abt mirrors im so missing the dance studio mirrors..hehe..)

the nicest food will be...iskandars mee goreng...its juz different..
erm...an-nur's beef steak...yummy..yea..and i stole faisal beef on his plate..hehe..
no no not stole but i ask permission..haha..
oh ya and aisyah's mee rebus..
i lurve the way her mum served the food or should i sae displayed the food..
it was super neat..like she actually took the trouble of knotting the noodles in a neat bundle
so dat we took the neat bundle of noodles..
and it was served on a huge metal tray..like i cant really describe but it was wow!!
sum ppl actually took a pic of how the food is displayed..
if i manage to find it i will post it alrite..
hehe





anyway we had fun..
yea as i was saying the eva frenly and humourous ppls..
like michael and kenneth dey were so uber funny lar..
and michael lurves to mimic dialogues from movies or create his own..
dat explains y his in drama..
both of them were juz entertainin us with silly jokes..which was really really funny..
and one ting i like both of em...were dat dey both were holding on to cameras..haha
and yea we cam-whored!!
i jus cant xplain the fun i had..lol!!
ouhkie ouhkie lets stop here..hehe waitin fer the next weekend..

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

cant believe im typing it all over again..
fer the stupid computer or shud i sae computer idiot me tot dat the comp jus shut down by itself
wen it was jus dat the wire connected to the monitor was pulled off..
and i didnt noe..
hahaha


anyway yay!!
its friday and im enjoying every minute of it..
since tmr is the start of weekend..
and boi sakura gonna go hady mirza's house..
haha..
but who cares..im not intrested in hady..lol!!

cant wait to go fer the jalan rayer outing with the stagearters..
woohoo!!i bet its gonna be super fun..with the fun and humourous ppl..
wat makes it more happening is dat the non-malays are supposed ta don on malay costumes..
haha..shant sae much..else i'l be disappointed if it turns out otherwise..

wishin tym cud pass more quickly..
cuz i cant wait to go fer stagearts camp next friday..
fer i lurve camps..
the cheers,the unity of group,wet games..
well all i cud do now is to juz imagine wat we gonna have..
cant wait to have a hell load of fun..
but wat i simply dread will be the PT..
dun see the point of it lar..
toking abt dat..
ystd dance is already making me tired cuz of the pushup..
juz wishin i had dat natural strength to do push up without any difficulty and feeling tired
haha kk..*dream on*

wat else shall i sae??
oh ya sorry fatt,ive been unable to get out with u cuz of skul and activities..promise to get out with u next week kaes?
to suhair:sorry ehk my house not open fer the time being..
it will have open house on 25th nov..haha


to all my friends have a great weekend dudes and duddetes..lalalas
and shitty shit!i peep at nas comp n shes gonna blog abt wat happen to me in eplaza(dats wher i am now..)
noti gurl..hmph..lol!!


thought of the day:what is ego?and why does it exist?why do we have the need to have ego??

Staring blankly ahead;
Just making my way through the crowd

Name.
school.
bdae
blah blah blah